A Few Good Men
by McKenzie James
The Marines and I have both been looking for a few good men for some time now. (Well, actually, they need a few while I honestly only need one.) When I first began online dating I assumed I would meet a lot of good men and that, among all those good men, there would be one who wasn’t perfect but who suited me perfectly. What I found instead were droves of men who had attained middle-age with little knowledge of themselves. Among them were those who seemed completely unaware of their needs, their neurosis, their selfishness, their general lack of social skills, and any part they themselves had played in creating their current circumstances. Then there were those who I’m sure were not necessarily bad men but who were simply, as my sister would say, “odd”.
You can only go on so many failed coffee dates and then most of us, men and women alike, have to take a break from online dating and focus our energy in other ways in order to maintain our optimism about love, life and the pursuit of happiness. I took just such a break in the last few months. Then over the holidays, having a lot of time off work and feeling ready to dance again, I updated my profile and threw it out to the universe with a hopeful sigh.
To my great surprise and joy the outcome was emails and subsequent meetings with several good men. They are each and every one of them, intelligent, respectful, interesting and self-aware and I am completely enjoying my time getting to know them better. We’ve shared drinks, meals, movies, and conversations about our life’s journey and our hopes for the future and I imagine we will remain friends regardless of the outcome. It’s been like a breath of fresh air to someone who’s been dating for way too long.
I suspect that part of the reason it’s working out better for me this time is because I’ve been determined to widen my own horizons. I tend to be attracted to and to fall for the tall, dark and handsome types. The problem with this is that judging a book by its cover has gotten me into repeatedly bad relationships over the years. This time I promised myself I would place more credence on what each match had to say, how he presented himself, and how he approached me, than in his looks. Not that any of these men are unattractive, they are simply not my usual 6’2” tall charmers. So, just as the Marines have adjusted their definition of what it means to be “one of the few” over the years in order to enhance recruitment I’ve found that adjusting my perspective has worked as well.
Since I’ve written enough pieces about my bad dating experiences that they have their own category in the archives (http://freethetwins.wordpress.com/category/mckenzie-james/bad-dates/) I thought it only fair that I report here that I’ve found there are still good, single men out there who are looking for relationships with strong, confident, intelligent women. It’s way too early to tell if one of these men is the match I’ve been looking for but, whether or not one of these new friends turns out to be perfect for me, they have already renewed my faith in men. What a wonderful way to begin a new year!