McKenzie Free

One woman's quest for greater understanding through freedom of self expression.

Angering the Gods OR “Who has the Voodoo Doll?”

On Monday I woke up to high winds and rain and a house with no electricity. This was a minor inconvenience since I was finally going to meet a man that afternoon who I’d been communicating with online and on the telephone but had never met in person and I wouldn’t be able to blow dry my hair. I went out to the garage only to realize I didn’t actually know how to get my car out without the electricity to open my garage door for me. Amazing how much we take for granted every day. I called the office to let the receptionist know I’d be late and, smart woman that she is, she knew exactly what to tell me to do. So, my week was off to a bit of a slow start but off I went thinking I’d stop by my sister’s house in the afternoon and blow dry my hair.

I was only at work a couple of hours when I began seeing hundreds of black spots in front of my eyes. It was like looking at everything through a spattering of black paint. I called the eye doctor and was informed that this was nothing to take lightly and I should get to their office immediately. Apparently, the fear when this occurs is a detached retina. I was extremely frightened but after having my eyes dilated and thoroughly checked out was told I would be fine. Another crisis averted. Just one more thing that comes with “age” as the very young doctor informed me politely.

I was told I should not go back to work because with my eyes dilated it would be difficult to read for some time and I should stay off the computer. By this time it was after lunch so I went back home, the electricity was back on and I took a shower and styled my hair. Since I couldn’t return to work I decided to go get my nails done. I was seated in the pedicure chair only moments when the chair at the other end of the salon made a loud noise and a huge cloud of smoke came billowing out of it. My manicurist, who has known me a while, looked up at me and simply said with her Korean accent, “you should probably not leave house! Trouble follows you!” I laughed and told her that it is true, trouble does follow me. I’m certain any day now the Mayor will implement a city ordinance stating that I must warn people of any plan to visit public establishments.

I met my online date, with styled hair and painted nails, and we had a lovely evening together. The next day, Tuesday, was relatively uneventful other than a late night work meeting. That evening I got ready for bed and at about 10:30 was closing up my laptop when I began to feel a strange sensation on the right side of my face near my lip. I went into the bathroom to look in the mirror and noted my lip was beginning to swell. An hour later when my face was as big as a basketball and I looked like Will Smith in “Hitch” after he accidentally ate shell fish, I finally decided to go to the ER.

My emergency room experience could be another essay in and of itself. I was there from 11:30pm to 2:00am and was never seen by a doctor. At this point I determined my condition was not life threatening and I returned home and tried to sleep. As soon as the pharmacy opened at 6am I went and bought Benadryl. Now, three rounds of the antihistamine later, my face is looking much better although the swelling is not completely gone and I have been able to get some sleep. It seems, although I’ve had several nasty bouts of diarrhea today, that I will live.

I have to confess that so many odd things have happened in just three days that I actually emailed my ex-husband and suggested, since his new/old (he remarried his first wife) wife is the only one I know of who harbors an extreme amount of resentment toward me, that he please find where she is hiding her voodoo doll and make her stop torturing me!

I spent the night at the ER, and some time at home today, wondering what I had done to anger the Gods this much and I must confess I’m a little bit afraid of what the rest of the week may have in store for me. Stay tuned and stay alert. If tomorrow you happen to notice the sun being covered by a black cloud that turns out to be locusts descending on Weird Town you’ll know exactly where to place the blame.

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