McKenzie Free

One woman's quest for greater understanding through freedom of self expression.

Archive for the category “Poetry”

61

There is a gaping hole inside of me

Which nightly I try to fill up

With mounds and mounds of food

And sometimes sex with inappropriate men who like fat girls

It is a gaping hole which by now is the size of a basketball

A small hole that was ripped larger and larger by

my alcoholic father and crazy brother

Made bigger with each failed marriage

That grew to make room for the babies I could never have

And is currently being fed by fear of the spot on my liver

Fear of joining my cancer-ridden siblings in death

At night I feed it with pound cake and chips and red wine

During the day I feed it with professionalism

as I try to do one thing in life well

and sometimes with screaming unprofessionalism

as I fail to succeed in a dysfunctional workplace

At times, like this morning, when I am too exhausted to

stand up straight and carry on in the morning light

At times like this when I stop for a moment and sit very still

Alone with my thoughts

I simply sob until I have no more tears

And then I get up and get on with my day

Wondering if I will ever be able to heal this gaping hole

Or if it’s too late for a full recovery

perhaps just something to shore it up and keep it from engulfing me.

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Renewal

It all began with a good-bye kiss.

It still lingers on my lips.

He loved me, he said.

But it was not the ‘big’ love.

Thus began my journey of renewal.

To love myself regardless.

To respect that I am worthy.

To find joy in each day.

The world is my ‘big’ love

and he is but a memory.

Crazy in Love by McKenzie James

I’m ready to fall in love;

head over heals

crazy in love with you.

 

I’m teetering right on the edge of the precipice

but I’m afraid to make the leap.

I’m waiting impatiently for you to catch up.

 

It’s a long way down if my timing is wrong

and you’re not there to catch me.

I’ve traveled there alone once before.

 

It’s a painful landing

and a long, treacherous climb  back

out of the abyss when no one’s there to greet you.

 

But I’m ready.

The sound of your voice,

the touch of your hand,

the smile on your face

have me bursting my seams with joy.

 

I want to stop holding back and leap

free-falling into your arms.

 

I’m ready.

I’m waiting.

Let’s dive in over our heads together.

Longing

We go to bed each evening craving another human’s touch
Each longing to be held through the night and awakened by desire
So many honest bodies lying alone and wanting
Never to meet, or if to meet, to not recognize the kindred spirits inside us
For we shamefully hide our desires from the world
Believing our hunger, if perceived, will make us appear weak and less alluring
Running our hands over our strained flesh finding what private release we can
Rising to meet another day with unfulfilled desires
Pushed out of our minds and buried as we go about our day
Until the moon rises and reminds us once again of our vulnerability

Make Time Stand Still

Oh sweet joy, sweet joy of youth.

You fill me up and bring me pleasure.

So clear and honest in your exploration;

A reminder of my own lost naivety.

Our time limit expired almost before it begins;

I can’t turn back the clock to keep you here.

Use your lust and boldness to reach for your future.

March on as you should but let your memory linger.

The Ark

The rain keeps falling.  The rivers are rising.

If you don’t have gills you won’t survive it.

The sun is gone.  No warmth reaches the earth.

Without those rays there can be no rebirth.

You can head for the high ground but that won’t save you.

The world’s gone mad and danger is there too.

Life Goes On

I get up

Do my hair

Dress for success and put my make-up on

Go to work

Smile and converse

And then I come home and cry about you

I grocery shop

I pay the bills

Run the everyday errands that we all do

Smile at the clerks

Exchange pleasantries

And then I come home and cry about you

I meet my friends

Share some laughs

Smiles and hugs

Let’s do it again

And then I come home and cry about you

I visit the kids

We run and play

We laugh and jest

And at the end of the day

I come home and cry about you

I cry about you

I still cry about you

Comfort and Joy

I always long to touch you;

you’re more than I expected.

You wrap me in your warmth each night and

I never feel neglected.

I see you lying on my bed;

a luxurious, peaceful presence.

I know another night with you

can only bring contentment.

I can count on you always being here.

It’s hard to believe you’re new.

I’m already used to the gentle comfort

as I snuggle up to you.

You bring me satisfaction

each and every day.

We share rest and relaxation;

you’re worth any price I had to pay.

You make me feel warm and comforted

from my head down to my feet.

I love you more than I can say

my beautiful Land’s End flannel sheets.

For Sale

One heart.

Great interior.

Still runs well.

Should provide someone with many more years of service.

Exterior in horrible condition.

Broken repeatedly.

Going for a smile.

All offers considered.

Maleena

I was going to write a poem today

about agony and grief.

About how life has beaten me down

and I can find no relief.

Then I stopped to visit a home

where a two year-old was at play.

I found a bit of hope again

just seeing her that way.

Everything she saw excited her.

Everything was a cause for joy.

She stomped across the living room

with an old pot and a wooden spoon as toys.

She ran to me and hugged my legs

and seemed so glad to see me.

I couldn’t help but smile and laugh

and soon it wasn’t so bad to be me.

She has no sense of life’s problems yet.

She has no sense of time.

She lives within the moment

and most every moment’s fine.

Her laughter bubbles up

at the simplest, oddest times.

She thinks the world a marvelous place

and I hope nothing happens to change her mind.

I was going to write a poem today

about sadness, grief and pain.

Instead I watched a child at play

and found some joy again.

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