McKenzie Free

One woman's quest for greater understanding through freedom of self expression.

Archive for the tag “sex”

“In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” Alfred Tennyson

It’s spring and a time when both young and old men’s minds appear to turn to thoughts of…well…getting laid.  I wish it turned to thoughts of love but in my experience this doesn’t seem to be the case.  I think old Al was just trying to stay within the confines of polite society when he wrote that.

This period when men’s minds take this flight of fancy is very brief.  It appears to take place sometime between the end of hunting season and the beginning of trout stocking by the Department of Fish and Wildlife.  But, if you stay alert, the signs are all around us.

Men who normally never look up from their cell phones look up and smile when you walk into a bar or restaurant.  Some may even say hello while in line with you at the coffee shop or grocery store.   And all of the sudden your online dating profile that hasn’t gotten a response from an authentic person (other than continual hits by online scammers easily weeded out by emails such as “Good Morning by Beauty, my Queen”) has some winks and greetings from living, breathing males.

Unfortunately, as appears true with all things in life, this too has its pros and cons.   Men and women’s brain really don’t function the same and if you look at the differences, especially those involved in dating and mating, it’s sometimes amazing the species manages to continue to procreate at all.

In my use of online dating sites I’ve noted one very important difference and that is: men only look at the pictures.   Women will look at the pictures and review the background of the photo looking for clues into the man’s lifestyle choices.  We will read the profile in detail (assuming they’ve written one, many men only fill in the number of spaces needed with Xs).  We will ask our friends for their opinion of what we’ve read and viewed.   We may be attracted to a man but we still want to know if he’s smart, kind, funny, a homebody or a nightowl. We want to know whether or not he’ll want to go dancing, hiking or to the theatre with us.

Men, on the other hand, look at the photos.  If they are attracted to you it doesn’t seem to matter if you have nothing at all in common, are as high maintenance as possible, or have been married ten times.   Those things can all be overlooked because they are focused on visual cues only.  If you don’t believe me check out “The Triggers of Sexual Desire: Men vs. Women”, Leon Seltzer, Psychology Today.  Neuroscience apparently has proven what some of us have always known.

So what this looks like on the receiving side of this male interest is an inbox full of emails from men who are very clearly, right from the beginning, not partner material.  Yet, when you point out to them that you have nothing in common, do not share similar tastes or lifestyles, they fail to see it.  They either get angry at your for not “giving them a chance”, or argue with you that “you won’t know until you try it”.

I would hope that at a certain age, and this writer is now (as much as I hate to admit it) over 60, you would “know before you try it”.  I know I will not be compatible with a man whose income is well below mine.  Not because I’m a money-grubbing hussy, but because I want a partner who can afford to enjoy the same lifestyle that I do.  It simply won’t work out when he can’t afford the dinner out, the movie or theatre ticket, or the vacation that I can afford and very much want to take.

I know I will not be able to date a smoker.  I’ve tried it before and I am way too allergic for this to work out no matter how much I may care for a person.

I know that if a man is old enough to date me and has never been married or lived with someone longer than five years…. he most likely won’t be able to relate to my life experiences.

I know that if a man is very serious and doesn’t get my (sometimes dark and morbid) sense of humor that we will not last.

So, I very much appreciate the “likes” on my photos; I’m grateful for the compliments; but I’m also happy to know that the first rivers and reservoirs are being stocked with trout this weekend!


The Affair

He was forty and growing restless in his marriage. She was twenty-eight. Beautiful and vibrant in a way that only those who live life fully can be. They met completely by accident. This may be difficult for some to even imagine in our current world of online profiles, emails and texting, but at one time people used to bump into each other in public and strike up random, friendly conversations with one another.

She dropped a package on the street while trying to open the door to the book store with her elbow. He picked up her package and got the door for her. Neither were there for the books as it turned out, but rather for the coffee shop in the rear as a respite from the crowds of holiday shoppers. They chatted as they stood in line waiting to order. As it turned out, once they got their drinks there was only one table left available and they sat down and shared a warm beverage together.

He did not lie or act coy about the fact of his wife and children. In fact, he spoke of them lovingly and with pride. Oddly, this made him more attractive to her. She knew it was wrong to feel the tug of emotion while they spoke. She forced herself not to reach across the table and touch his hand as she so wanted to do.

He knew it was wrong to ask her to join him for dinner. He rationalized it in his mind that it was only a meal. She rationalized it the same way when she smiled and said “yes”.  This is how it began. Neither one wanting to investigate their behavior more fully. To do so would surely have meant they would have walked away from each other and remained strangers.

He thought, at first, that he could compartmentalize his life. That she would simply be a bit of enjoyment that he carved out for himself. She would not impact the rest of his life. But, as it turned out, she was not a woman who could be kept in a box. She was too full of life and his need to speak with her and be with her would not contain itself to a few hours a week.

She had a very full life before she met him. With him in her life her schedule began to overflow. If you had asked her prior to meeting him if she would ever consider seeing a married man she would have been insulted and answered a resounding “of course NOT”. Now here she was, making up last minute excuses why she couldn’t make her usual volunteer night at the hospital or meet her best friend for drinks or dinner so she could accommodate him when he could get away.

She told no one. Not her sister, her best friend, not even her hairdresser. The volunteer organizations thought her work responsibilities had increased, her friends thought she was volunteering more and should take more time for herself, her staff was grateful that she seemed to be finding a better balance between work and the rest of her life. Only she was aware of the reality of her situation.

He was amazed at how well his business continued to run without his complete focus on it twenty-four seven. Perhaps he could have gotten away in prior years to take his family on those vacations he had assured them were impossible? His wife was beginning to pressure him to spend more time at home and he began to slowly realize that there was no way this could not affect his marriage and his family.

After almost a year of seeing each other they had finally admitted to themselves and each other that this was about more than the convenience of lust. They had strong and caring feelings for each other. Feelings that came with as much pain as joy.   As he began to realize the effect the affair was having on his family, she began to realize she did not want to celebrate another Christmas in a hotel room a week after ringing in the New Year alone.

This is why tonight, almost a year since their first meeting, she found herself sitting alone in the coffee shop where they first met waiting to see if he would join her. If he showed up, this meant he had told his wife about her and had chosen a new life with her. If not, the crazy, titillating roller coaster ride of the last year had reached its end.

She did not know which life he would choose. She was well aware of the schism the affair had caused in his emotions and his life. She also believed his love for his wife was still very real. Part of her hoped that he would choose to remain with his family thereby proving to be the man she thought he was on the day they met. No part of her wanted to be the person that caused upheaval and pain for others. The other part of her, the selfish part, the part that found such happiness in his presence, was holding her breath and hoping to catch sight of him walking down the aisle of books toward their table.

As she sat and waited she realized that no matter what his decision her life would be irrevocably changed after tonight.

The Dating Profile I’d LIKE TO Post but Never Will

59 year-old woman seeking partner in crime.

Life, and crime, are each more fun with a partner. Doesn’t have to be a romantic partner (Butch and Sundance, Thelma and Louise…) but if you can find someone that you can partner with in life and have great sex with too — what could be better?

Actually LOOK at my photos. I’m well-dressed, my hair looks good, if I’m wearing make-up it’s subtle and well done, I’m always smiling. I’m obviously going to make an effort to look my best at our first meeting and beyond. So it only makes sense I’m looking for a man who will do the same. Do I look like a woman is seeking a man with a filthy ball cap he never takes off, who wears grungy, frayed jeans to our first meeting and hasn’t trimmed his beard this year? Use your noggin!

Actually READ my profile. I’m smart, I’m funny, and I’m well educated. I’m going to expect you to be smart, funny and able to write a grammatically correct sentence, as well.

If you have more than one drink daily you are not a “social drinker”. Social drinkers have a beverage or two when out to dinner on Saturday night or when having friends over for a party or BBQ. Maybe they have a glass of wine or beer when they get home from work in the evening.

The same is true of pot. I’m not completely 420 unfriendly…and for anyone who has pain I say do whatever works for you…but if you have no medical reason and you’re hitting the bong at 10am I’m not the right woman for you.

Have two nickels to rub together. I prefer a man who pays on a date. That said…we can go Dutch if you don’t have that kind of money but at a minimum you have to be able to pay for your own dinner. It’s really not cool for you to sit and watch me eat my dinner while you sip on a glass of water because you can’t even afford a cup of coffee. I don’t have much, but a man has to have at least as much as me, ‘cause without that parity no partnership is possible.

Have a driver’s license and a car. I’m not hauling your ass around town for the duration of our relationship. I expect you to be able to come and pick me up for a date. I expect to actually GO OUT ON DATES. I love to walk in the park; ride bikes, hike, etc. Every once in a while I also want to go out for dinner, see a movie, go to the theatre, hit a comedy open mike night, something (anything) other than walking and talking or sitting and talking.

I didn’t post a profile on a dating site because I’m looking for someone to have sex with. Hundreds of men want to have sex with me. I’ve been pursued by men of every age who tell me how sexy I am and how much they want to make love to me. Wanting to bed me doesn’t make you special. It’s just pheromones. Get a grip on yourself. Think with your big head for a change instead of your little one. But if we do get past the dating and actually get to this point, please be able to perform. If you have problems performing you are surely aware of that before we get to this stage of the relationship so deal with it before we go there. Man up!

What I’m looking for is a partner. Merriam-Webster defines it as: A person with whom one shares an intimate relationship; one member of a couple; one of two or more persons who play together in a game against an opposing team. In this instance the opposing team is “life” with all it brings us. It comes with family, friends, good food, fun times and great sex but it also includes hard work, flooded kitchens, flat tires, mortgage payments, cancer, and many other frustrations and challenges. Like all roller coaster rides it’s more fun when you have someone you can cling to who’s screaming just as loudly as you are when the car hits the peak and begins plummeting toward the next turn.

What’s Missing?

She’s missing some essential human element. She doesn’t know what it is; it’s something ethereal. It is that “thing” that makes a man fall in love with you. It is that “thing” that makes another person feel connected to you. Whatever it is that makes a man want to be with you, to protect and take care of you, to miss you when you’re gone, to put you first and think of your needs. She can’t figure out what it is that’s missing in her. What other women have that she does not.
She feels things deeply, she finds joy in others, she has wants and needs and desires like everyone else. She is smart, she is funny, she is even wise upon occasion. What is missing? What is the crucial component of humanity that she lacks?
Even if she were to figure it out, it is most likely too late now. Half her life is gone before her. Surely she should have experienced this love by now. But over and over she attempts the connection; she gives herself freely and they feel nothing in return.
Men crave her body. They want to lie naked with her and feel her soft caresses. They will say whatever it is they think she wants to hear to spend time in her bed until they meet another woman, a woman they can fall in love with, and then they are gone.
What is it that makes her, not unlikable but, so unlovable? Do you know? Do you have the answer? Can you share it please?


DISCLAIMER:  This is not my typical post.  It is X-rated and should not be read by the faint of heart (or by any of my friends and loved ones who might hold it against me).   I am not responsible for where my muse takes me.  I saw a beautiful woman on the street who looked homeless.  My mind drifted to how she might have ended up that way.  The idea came to me fully formed and I wanted to try a new genre.  This is the result.


Mattie sat gazing in the mirror stopped in mid stroke while putting her eye liner on.  In that split second she flashed back to the exact moment when her life had changed.  It was a Monday morning in April and she and Timothy were having yet another fight.  She couldn’t remember what started it but she did remember that was the morning she finally said what she’d been trying to say for months.  “You don’t desire me anymore.  I need you to want me, not just as a social partner, but as a woman.”

Timothy looked at her enraged and yelled, “If I’m not man enough for you, Martha, why don’t you go find someone who is!”  He walked out slamming the door behind him and left her standing in the entry way with her mouth agape.  Moments later she heard his car peel out of the driveway and hoped he’d slow down for the light at Midway.

She drove to the club in a thoughtful mood.  She pulled up front and handed her keys to Jimmy who was deferential as always.  “Good Morning Mrs. Medford.  Have a good workout.”

The Olympic-size pool was always empty this early in the morning and she drove herself to swim faster and faster trying hard to tire herself out physically so her body wouldn’t ask for anything more of her.

Afterward she dressed and waited patiently for Jimmy to bring her car around.  She got in and drove to her volunteer job at the city museum.  It was a small museum, not busy at the best of times, but the city was proud of its history and of housing the bell from its first church built in 1810.  No one worked with her on Mondays, the slowest day of the week at the museum, and today was especially quiet.

With no museum visitors to occupy her mind she sat in the front office contemplating what Timothy had screamed as he left that morning and browsing online for a dress to wear to the country club annual dance.  On the right of the screen an advertisement caught her eye.  “Are you lonely?  Are you wishing you had a man who truly desires you?  Join thousands of other women like yourself whose lives have changed for the better.  Click here to learn more.”  What could it hurt, she told herself, to just take a look?

They wanted her to sign up and she chose the user name JustLookin and put minimal information in her profile.  She was just clicking through looking at the hundreds of different men of varying ages and types when a “chat” request popped up on her screen.

CoulditB_U?:     Want to chat for a bit?

She looked at the box on the screen.  CoulditB_U? hadn’t posted a picture but it said 32, 6’2”, physically fit.  Why would a 32 year old man want to chat with her?  She’d listed her correct birthday which made her 45 next February.  But, what could it hurt to just chat?

JustLookin:         Hi.

CoulditB_U?:     Rod here.   Are you enjoying your day?

JustLookin:         It’s going okay.

CoulditB_U?:     Just okay?  Are you bored?

JustLookin:         Not bored, really, more in a thoughtful mood.

CoulditB_U?:     What are you thinking about?

JustLookin:         I’d rather not say

CoulditB_U?:     Want me to tell you what I’m thinking about today?

JustLookin:         Sure.

CoulditB_U?:     I’m thinking I’d like to meet a woman who’d like to chat a while and see if we have anything at all we could offer each other.  What are you looking for?

JustLookin:         I’m not looking for anything, really, I’m married actually.

CoulditB_U?:     Happily married?

The screen blinked his question at her.  Happily married?  Happily married?  For some reason, maybe the anonymity of the computer chat, she replied honestly:

JustLookin:         Not lately.

CoulditB_U?:     Let me guess.  Your husband doesn’t make love to you like he did when you were first married, right?

JustLookin:         My husband doesn’t make love to me at all.

CoulditB_U?:     And I’ll bet you’re still an attractive woman.

JustLookin:         I try very hard to take care of myself.

CoulditB_U?:     Why don’t you give me your email address and I’ll send you a picture of me so you’ll know who you’re talking to and you can send me one of you?

JustLookin:         I can’t do that.  I’ve got to go now.  Bye.

CoulditB_U?:     Send me your picture if you change your mind.  After all, we’re just talking.  I’d love to hear from you.

That night Tim and she had sat quietly through dinner.  It seemed even the pretense of talking about their day was too much trouble any more.  After dinner Tim went into the library and she could hear the television probably tuned in to the History channel.

She went in her small office off the kitchen to pay some bills online.  At least that’s what she told herself she was there for.  She found herself looking through her laptop for a photo of her alone, without Tim or one of their friends in it with her.  She found a photo of her at their pool party last summer in a short aqua shift that she thought showed off her long legs and her great tan.  Her long blonde hair was piled high on her head and small wisps of curls fell down around her face framing her deep blue eyes.  On a lark she logged in to her email account and sent the picture off to CoulditB_U?.  Then she went upstairs and read until she fell asleep.

The next morning she lay in bed with no reason to get up.  Normally she scheduled activities so that she was always busy but this morning her tennis and lunch date had cancelled saying she was sick.  So she simply lay in bed thinking about how when Timothy and she were first married how he’d rush home after work just to be with her.  She heard the ping of her phone on the bedside table telling her she had mail and she reached across to grab it and check her email.

From:  CoulditB_U?: 

I don’t know how I knew you would be a beautiful woman, but I just knew.  You’re stunning.  My photo’s attached.  Please say you’ll meet me for coffee today?  Starbucks on 5th Street?  11:00am?  I’ll wait for you.  You won’t regret it.

She clicked on the attachment link and his photo was displayed on the screen.  He was handsome, with a quirky smile, dark tussled hair and brown eyes.

She got up and went into the bathroom and started the shower.  The entire time she spent getting ready, choosing her clothing with care, taking extra time on her hair and make-up, she told herself she was not going to meet him.  When she was done she went into the garage, got into her car, and drove to 5th street.

He was sitting at a small table in the rear and when she entered.  He got up smiling and greeted her.  He pulled the chair out for her to sit down and got her the latte she requested.  They sat and talked, smiling and flirting, him gently brushing his hand against hers, briefly touching her arm or her thigh sending ripples of electricity through her.

And then he asked her, straight forward and simple, “Come home with me?”  It was as though she was in a trance, or a dream, as she replied, “Yes.”

She followed him to a small bungalow on the east side of town.  Once there, they didn’t talk.  He closed the door behind her and immediately began kissing her.  She realized she craved his touch and pulled him tightly to her.  He whispered in her ear telling her how beautiful she was and how much he wanted to please her.  Almost before she knew what was happening she found herself leaning against the wall with her skirt hiked up to her waist and a man she barely knew kneeling before her gently removing her panties and using his tongue on her clitoris.   She had never done anything like this in her life. The only time she’d ever had sex was with men she was in a serious relationship with.  It was exhilarating.

After the first time they met once a week.  He would text her every day between meetings telling her in very specific detail what he wanted to do to her the next time they were together.  He begged her to write back and say what she wanted.  The first time, she was embarrassed to write anything so seemingly crude, but she did it and realized as she wrote the words how hot it was making her.  As time passed the texting became as exciting as her time with him.  She seemed to be in a state of heightened sexual awareness and spent hours each day aroused to the point of distraction. She would open her messages and read his words: “I need to see my hard cock disappear into some part of you.  I don’t care where.  Everything is good.”  Immediately she would feel herself getting wet in anticipation of their meeting.

Each time she thought she’d gone beyond anything she could ever bring herself to do with a man; Rod would ask for just a little bit more. Things she had heard about but would never have shared with her husband or any other lover.  Things that previously she had thought strange, had believed only perverts would ever think about, she did for him.  She seemed unable to deny him anything he wanted from her.

She was desperate to have more time with him and began cancelling dates with her friends at the club.    After a couple of months passed she stopped volunteering at the museum.  Timothy asked her why she wasn’t getting out more often and she said something vague about not feeling well.  They had stopped fighting.  As soon as she had stopped asking him for more of his time and attention things quickly went back to the way they had been between them, polite conversation, retiring to separate rooms after dinner.  She’d be asleep each night before he ever came upstairs to bed.

At the end of three months she’d lost ten pounds and they were seeing each other whenever she could get away.  She began to take more chances, staying longer at the bungalow than she should, twice getting back barely in time to take a shower before Timothy arrived home from work.  She’d had to order Chinese and make some lame excuse about having to run a lot of errands that day.

Rod began asking her if he could come to her house.  He told her what a rush it would be for him to make love to her in her own bed.  How much hotter it would be.  How much harder it would make him.  After a few weeks she had succumbed and let him come over.  She was completely addicted to being naked with him and she found she was incapable of saying no to him.  She didn’t think it possible but the increased risk of being caught heightened the pleasure for her.

That afternoon Rod lay on her bed and she was sitting on top of him with his young, hard cock deep inside of her lost in riding the waves of pleasure as they rippled through her.

“OH My God, Martha!  Get off him! Get him out!  Get him the fuck out of my house!”

She stopped; stunned.  Rod had pushed her off of him; jumped up, grabbed his clothes and run out past Timothy without looking back.  It was the last time she had ever seen him.  She’d tried to reach him texting and emailing incessantly the next day but he no longer answered.  When she went to the bungalow there was no sign anyone had ever lived there.

The stipulation of their pre-nuptial agreement was that if she was ever unfaithful she would get nothing, leaving the marriage with exactly what she’d brought in to it.  Timothy had thrown her out that same day.  He had let her keep the BMW and her clothes but he’d only given her 24 hours to get out of the house.

After 19 years of marriage she was no longer Mrs. Timothy Medford.  She wasn’t welcome at the country club.  The women with whom she had played tennis and cards, had volunteered and lunched with no longer took her calls.   She had no friends, no income, and no marketable skills.  She’d given up the life she knew to feel the excitement of a stranger’s touch.

Max stuck his head inside the curtain and spat out, “Pick it up Mattie, there’s a big crowd out there.  And for God’s sake shake some tit tonight.  These guys didn’t come down here to see St Theresa.”

Max’s barking snapped Mattie out of her reverie and she finished applying her eyeliner;  lined and polished her lips.  She stood up tall to her full 5’8” (6 feet with these heels on), pulled back the curtain, held her head high and walked slowly toward the stage entrance.


Str8 Talk

by McKenzie James

Recently I got a message on an online dating site from an attractive man with the profile name “str8t_rod”.  I thought his meant his hobby was racing street rods.  Not something I’m into, but then I’m not the type of person that thinks couples need to share all the same hobbies, so I emailed him back and we began to chat.  The conversation moved quickly from “How are you doing today?” to “I’d love to caress your sensuous curves and run my hand down …”

I was taken aback but this fast dash to inappropriate sex chat so I went back to review his profile and see if there was something in there that would have clued me in to his real intent.  I’m sure my readers, who are most likely not as dyslexic as I am, and who probably paid more attention in pre-school while being taught phonetics, are already laughing, have easily recognized my mistake.  He wasn’t talking about a “street rod”; he was talking about a “straight rod”!  This is a particularly embarrassing mistake for a woman who’s already written an article about how to read online dating profiles.

Looking back I realize that even if I’d read it correctly I might still have responded thinking he was just a guy name “Rod” who wanted everyone to know he isn’t gay.  Alas, his name is Paul!

Some women may have been shocked by this interchange and put off from online dating altogether but McKenzie is not faint of heart.  I simply laughed and wrote it off as another experience worth blogging about.

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